It’s Sunday and I’m still in Damascus. Need to wait until tomorrow for the post office to open. I spent the day reflecting on the changes I’ve been noticing in myself since the hike began. One of the primary shifts is this sense of living totally in the moment. I typically only plan for today, and have a vague sense of what I’ll do tomorrow. When I think about the future or what I’ll do when I return to Flagstaff, it’s just blank space. Living like this is changing me. I find myself less self-conscious about things. History and past fades away, and what is important is who I am today. There is some fear as well. I feel like these shifts and realizations are irreversible. If I stay out here and continue to chip away who I’m not, what will be left? Who will I be when I leave this place. I feel like I’m at a jumping off place. Leave the trail and return to the old me I’m comfortable with, or keep walking and step out in faith and trust. Tomorrow, I’ll get up and walk…and see what happens.
May 20, 2012